Overall, Ben’s Single coaching session had gone well – Nothing too crazy, but as is usual for guys on their first coaching session Ben was overwhelmingly impressed because he honestly didn’t believe he was capable of going out for 4 hours and going home with 3 phone numbers.
He practically floated back to his car at the end of the night… It’s having this effect on guys that’s part of the reason I do this job.
Three days later, I gave Ben a call to follow up with him and see how he was feeling about everything now that he’d had a few days to sit with it.
“Hey Ben, Damien here, how are you doing man?”
“Damien! Hey! Thanks for calling. Yeah I’m doing pretty well.. I’m even thinking pretty seriously about doing the 3 month Sincere Seduction course with you.
But I have to admit, I’m starting to get a lot of doubts again.. I’ve been doing a lot of reading online on some Reddit pickup groups, and they talk a lot about how important it is to DHV (Demonstrate High Value), and as you know I have very little of value to offer. I’m just not very impressive to women right now. So Im not sure now is a good time to work on this dating stuff”
MYTH #3: YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD TO IMPRESS WOMEN BY SHOWING OFF SO SHE’LL HANG AROUND
“You’ve asked a really good question there Ben. I was wondering how long it was going to take you to ask me, because most guys do. Let me ask you, when you were out with me, and I pointed to a cute girl for you to go and talk to, what was going through your head?”
“Well… I first think ‘what the hell am I going to say to her?’ and then I think about what I can say to her that she might find funny or charming as an opener – Then I think about whether there might be a boyfriend lurking around, or whether there are lots of people around that might laugh at me if I get rejected”
“AHA!” I said, glad he couldn’t see how hard I was smiling on the other end of the phone “So the very first thought you have when you see a girl, is you wonder how you can impress her and get her to like you?”
“Um… yeah I guess so.. But isn’t that what everyone thinks? I mean, you have to strategise a little before you approach right?”
“Well yes, I do strategise before I go in, but I’m certainly not thinking about impressing her! Do you know what I think when I first see a hot woman? I think, ‘Hot damn, she looks fine!'”
Ben laughed heartily at my unexpecetd response before I continued…
“But right after that I think 2 things – Firstly – I wonder if she’s going to be interesting and fun to talk to, or if she’ll turn out to be disappointingly dull.
And Secondly, I strategise how I can amuse MYSELF in the interaction even if it turns out she’s boring and no fun to talk to.”
“oh… ” Said Ben, taking a moment to think through the point I was making to him. “So, you aren’t thinking about impressing her at all are you?”
“No, not really! You see, I believe the most attractive version of a man is when he’s having FUN, and that means different things for different men, but when we’re having fun, not worrying about what other people think, then the RIGHT WOMEN will find us incredibly attractive indeed, and the wrong women..
And women who have personalities that clash with ours… Well who cares about them!”
“Wow, I hadn’t thought of it that way..”
“No, and most men don’t because we’re so focussed on trying to impress women, we lose sight of the fact that A) Our time and affection is valuable and we should be more picky about who we spend time talking to, and B) NOBODY LIKES A SUCK UP!
When you invest energy trying to impress her, she can see that and you lose attraction points.. There is a huge amount of power that comes from making the mindset shift from being the one trying to get chosen to the one who does the choosing.
BUT I want to make one thing absolutely clear – You shouldn’t be actively pretending to be disinterested! That’s playing head games, and head games always backfire. You’re simply focussed on yourself, whether YOU like her, and not whether SHE likes you – Whether YOU are entertained, not whether SHE is entertained.”
“I feel like this is a profound shift in how to view attracting women… But how do I entertain myself if she’s boring?”
“Oh that’s the fun part! You have to learn how to playfully tease and make jokes with strangers. When I approach some girls, I joke around a lot, I tease them. And everything that I say is something that I find funny.
And whether or not she laughs, I laugh because I’m amusing myself. I don’t need her validation to tell me whether I’m funny or not. I’ve heard people say you should never laugh at your own jokes, but I say BOLLOCKS to that!
I like amusing myself, and it has been my 10 years of experience that women appreciate a man who can bring the fun vibe and doesn’t rely on her to make it fun or give him validation.”
“That’s something I really want to learn Damien, if you can teach me to have more fun when talking to women and stop needing their approval when I’m approaching, that would be massive!”
TRUTH #3:a WOMEN LOVE MEN WHO DONT NEED THEIR APPROVAL
TRUTH #3b: WOMEN ARE TURNED ON BY MEN WHO ARE VERY PICKY WITH WOMEN – IT MAKES THEM FEEL UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IF YOU DO ASK THEM OUT
Who We Are
School of Attraction is a dating education company with one motto: "Leave No Single Man Behind". We provide free and paid courses for men to achieve success with women.
Started by Damien Diecke in 2008, SOA has gone on to become Australia's largest dating coaching company, now setting it's sights worldwide.