I’d like to preface this article with the statement that not once am I going to make a moral case for being honest. Nor am I going to talk about avoiding hurting people. Today I’m only concerned with men getting the best results possible when they’re trying to attract women.
In 2005, I did an intense 6 week program designed to strengthen my masculine core and get me in touch with my true desires and passions in life. This course had nothing to do with pickup, but one of the rules I had to swear to live my life by was to always be honest. This wasn’t ‘radical’ honesty where you go around being a dick to everyone by telling them what you really think of them, this was the type of honesty that required me to never mislead other people regarding who I was or what my intentions were.
In 2005, three other things also happened.
1) My self-confidence shot through the roof
2) I suddenly felt like I deserved the high quality women I was hitting on.
3) I started getting female attention like a rock star.
Yes, the Course I undertook and my sudden improvement in results with women were completely related. One of the biggest factors was my shift to always being honest.
Believe it or not, lying is part of the social glue that holds our society together. Most humans agree there is a ‘right’ time to lie, or at least be liberal with the truth. Moments such as when a woman asks you ‘does my ass look big in this?’, or your friend is depressed and he asks you whether you believe in his ability to recover, or your boss asks you what you think of their new business idea and the list goes on. We should never hope to eliminate these little lies from our lives because they are a hugely foundational part of what it is to be a fully functional human being.
However, a lot of us are also in the habit of mis-representing ourselves by trying to appear cooler, more popular, more wealthy, more intelligent, more successful, more creative, and the list goes on. We also have a habit of trying to hide our intentions with women by either omitting to mention what we want and/or talking as though we want what we think the woman wants when it’s the opposite of what we want. AKA you want casual sex, but pretend like you want a full blown relationship. It also comes up when we use things like a fake canned opener which is a form of a lie, or a false time constraint which is another lie designed to misrepresent your intentions.
Now let’s have a look at how eliminating this second type of lying from your life can have a huge impact on your inner game, and the results you get.
1) Your self confidence will shoot up
Lying is one of the biggest degraders to your self-esteem. Every time you lie to a woman to get some sort of result, regardless of how successful the attempt is, your subconscious knew you had to lie to get there. What you actually do is re-enforce a negative belief about your value as a human being, and your ability to get women without pretending to be someone else.
Even if you get a girls number and she says “You are such a cool guy, I’m so happy to have met you”, most of you will get an instant response in your subconscious that says “That’s nice to hear, but what she doesn’t know is…..”. We don’t believe the compliment because we know it was fake.
If instead you can be honest about who you are and don’t have to lie about your intentions to a woman, you start to re-enforce a faith in who you are as a human being and your confidence in yourself goes up.
2) You will start to actually believe you deserve the really hot women you are hitting on.
One of the problems for a lot of guys is that they don’t really feel like they deserve the women they are hitting on. They have this niggling feeling deep down inside that they want things from her, and have nothing to offer her in return.
Most men with Approach Anxiety concede that they’d have no problem approaching a woman if all they had to do was hand her a briefcase with a million dollars in it. A large part of Approach Anxiety is your feelings that you don’t deserve the woman.
As you start being honest with women, every time you get a compliment, or a phone number or a really positive reaction, your self-worth is going to increase because the positive response/compliment was all a direct result of the real you, the raw human being without fake pretense.
As your self confidence goes up, and your belief that any woman would be lucky to have you in their lives, something magical suddenly begins to occur….
3) Your success with women will shoot through the roof
We all know that women like guys who are confident in themselves, and we all know that a man who believes he has something of value to offer a woman is likely to sub-communicate that in the way his interacts with her and women will be correspondingly attracted to him.
But there’s more to this honesty thing that just a mere knock-on effect.
Too many guys give women mixed messages about what they want. They are essentially broadcasting to women “I’m not sure if I want sex or if I want a relationship”, or worse “I might be trying to deceive you”.
It’s an easy mistake though.. We don’t want to scare women off right? Just coming up and saying “Oh hey, I’m really only looking to get laid, so take it or leave it honey” is probably going to get you a one way ticked to crash and burn town.
But this is the difference between uncalibrated honesty, and having some social couth. Instead, try saying “You know, I love being single. It’s great not having to worry about anyone else, and I get to be selfish everyday. It’s brilliant” Or perhaps “You know, I made myself a promise after my last relationship that I was going to stay out of a relationship for a while and just focus on my career and getting to know myself”. If you broadcast these facts to a woman, you are essentially letting her know that you’re not boyfriend material. You’ll be amazed at how many women will agree with you, support you and concede they are doing the same thing, and then keep flirting with you. Congratulations, these women are the ones you can probably sleep with in short order.
What about the ones who lose interest when you say that? Congratulations, you just saved yourself a whole lot of time and effort with a woman who wasn’t looking for the same thing you were.
Oftentimes with students, all I have to do is make that shift in letting women know early they aren’t looking for a relationship in a tactful manner, and suddenly more of the women they approach become sexually available.
I highly suggest that you all look at your own way of picking up women and simply try for 1 month, to eliminate as many forms of deception as possible, and see how you feel about yourself and your results at the end of that month. You will likely be pleasantly surprised.
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About Damien Diecke
I've been a dating coach for 8 years
I’m the founder of Australia’s largest dating coaching company School of Attraction, The Author of Amazon best seller Sincere Seduction, and I’ve featured frequently on all of Australia’s major TV and RADIO stations.