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One of the most horrible things a woman you are attracted to can say to you is “let’s just be friends” its phrase heard all too frequently by good decent guys. The words can bring a man down harder than a sack of potatoes.

If you’re asking yourself questions like “why does she care about our friendship so much that she’s not willing to take a chance?” or “why does she only see me as friend” then chances are you failed at communicating to her what your intentions were at the beginning, this post will offer you some insight and possibly answers those questions.


This is probably one of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt the hard way. If you meet a girl through friends or even in a nightclub, make your intentions clear at the beginning. If you are treating her like a friend and not a woman you would like to create an intimate relationship with, well guess what? You are going to be a friend and not someone she could see herself dating. Making your intentions clear is one of the biggest things when it comes to avoiding the friend zone.

Women like a man who is clear about what he wants; they respect it and its admirable thing. By not hiding your intentions, not only will you gain her respect but possibly her attraction.

By trying to get close to her and being friends with her, you are setting yourself up for this friend zone fate, now in my experience this is what I used to do, I wouldn’t make my intentions clear from the beginning and I would just be friends with her and it never worked, not to mention sometimes a woman can tell when you like them anyways.

So what happens when you don’t make your intentions clear in the beginning with a girl you are interested in?

Essentially you are making things harder for her as well as yourself. Let’s say you get to know each other, you hang out a lot, maybe even build a huge connection and get along greatly, you talk on the phone regularly, you are comfortable around each other.

There are 2 things that happen which will work against you.

1) The longer you keep your intentions hidden from her, the harder it becomes to make them clear because you are emotionally invested and care much more about the outcome.

2) The more you guys hang out together in a friendly context, the harder it is for her to see you as someone she could date because she is emotionally invested and cares much more.


The Less time you take in showing your intentions the more likely you are to have success with her, if you’re making your intentions clear from the beginning, then essentially the 2 above points are no longer valid. A rejection from a girl who you barely know is a lot easier to deal with than a girl you have connected with, shared things with and even grown to care about. Think of it as the screening process

Vice versa, the impact is also less on her, she won’t care as much about friendship because there is none to begin with, neither of you are emotionally invested because you barely know each other, and therefore there is nothing to go sour. If she rejects you straight up then you could always try being friends =)


If you are being overly nice with a girl you like, not only does it come off as not being genuine but also a bit cheesy. If you are chasing her, putting her up on a pedestal by being overly nice, paying for her and letting her walk all over you, then you are communicating that you are not a confident man and that you value her more than yourself, which is not attractive. Trying to get close to her in hopes that she will someday become attracted to you, simply has a very low success rate. For a woman it communicates that your not confident enough to be honest with what you want.

Some women like to take advantage of this situation so don’t let it happen to you.

Women are attracted to a man who can challenge them, who is not constantly chasing her or doing everything for her. Who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to go for it, who is independent and most of all who wont change himself to fit her Ideals. That’s not to say you have to be a total douchebag, it just means you must be able to respect yourself enough to compromise your values. If a girl doesn’t like you then she’s probably not right for you.


If you have experienced/experiencing the friend zone, know that once you’re in there it’s near impossible to get out. It is a difficult thing to accept at times but if you keep perusing it you will only make matters worse. Sometimes women will use you for emotional comfort, meaning she will go out with a guy and when it goes sour she knows your there to make her feel better about herself. She has made her mind up about you and what she wants and there is nothing you will be able to do to change that in the near future. If she is not willing to see the value you have to offer her, then she’s the one missing out.

There are two things you can do at this point, one is stop being friends, learn from your mistakes and leave her in the past or if you cherish your friendship with her then just accept that you two will always just be friends.

Either way you need to move on and find other women, there is no shortage of cool attractive women out there.


If you are going out and talking to women and find yourself making friends with girls don’t see it as a lack of your ability to attract women, sometimes you might just not fit the girl’s type of guy. Everyone has a type. That being said don’t try to become her type a man, compromising yourself for a woman is not attractive.

What’s wrong with having female friends anyways? Women can be great friends. You can ask them questions and even pick their brains about different things. Having chick friends also improves your understanding of how women think.. Not to mention that she will more than likely have friends that you can meet who may be potential partners, a man who has a lot of women in his social circle is much more attractive than one who doesn’t.

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School of Attraction is a dating education company with one motto: "Leave No Single Man Behind". We provide free and paid courses for men to achieve success with women.

Started by Damien Diecke in 2008, SOA has gone on to become Australia's largest dating coaching company, now setting it's sights worldwide.

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