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Flaking is easily one of the most frustrating and annoying parts of getting good with women. Any guy that’s arranged a date with a girl and then had her cancel at the last minute or even worse – just not turn up, knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s enough to make you scream out “WOMEN SUCK!!!” or to curl up into a ball and cry BUT it doesn’t have to be that way. There’s a number of things you can do to reduce flakes from happening in the first place and some specific techniques for handling flakes smoothly when they do happen. This article can help you to forever change your experience with flaking and get this area of dating and relationships handled once and for all.

In case you’ve never had it happen to you or aren’t familiar with the terminology – flaking is basically when a female cancels or doesn’t turn up to a pre-arranged date.

There are a number of reasons why flakes occur but primarily they occur because she has some type of negative association to going on a date with you. Maybe she has a better offer or maybe she has a legitimate reason for canceling but more often than not she is simply uncomfortable meeting with you. Perhaps she doesn’t trust you enough, perhaps she isn’t attracted to you enough, or perhaps she thinks you’re a player and that you don’t really care about her. Rather than worrying too much about why an individual flake occurs it’s better to focus on the specific things you can do to reduce them from happening and handle them smoothly when they do happen.


1. Make The Initial Interaction Memorable
The initial interaction should stand out to her in some way. It could be your relaxed and confident body language or your style and appearance or how you positively stimulated her emotions or your overall vibe or perhaps it was a combination of all the above.

2. Be Real And Authentic And Build A Real Connection With Her
In case you haven’t done so already, drop the gimmicks from your game and replace it with being your real and most authentic self. Girls respect and are attracted to REAL guys, NOT guys pretending to be someone they are not. A very large amount of flakes occur because a girl gets the sense that your not not being yourself. Stop it now and never go back to it again. Also, build a real connection with her by appreciating her as a person and finding things about her you like.

3. Good Phone And Text Game
Good phone and text game fills the gap between the initial pickup and the actual date. A nice, short phone call or two and/or a few texts here and there can keep you on her mind and continues to build the connection prior to the date. Keep it simple and approach it from a normal and healthy perspective of just getting to get to know each other a bit better. Just have fun and vibe with her. On a side note, If you totally suck at phone game, do what I did and do a 30 day challenge where you have to call and talk to at least one girl every night for 30 days in a row. It will fix all your phone related problems forever.

4. Make Initial Date Plans Casual, Harmless and Fun
Planning some humongous, long and drawn out date with someone you just met will make her feel uncomfortable, makes you appear desperate and increases the likeliness of a flake by about 1 million percent. Until you build a serious level of interest and a real connection with a girl, all initial dates should be light and easy. By making initial dates casual, harmless and fun it takes all the pressure of the date away and makes it much easier and more comfortable for her to come along. Forget the traditional dinner and a movie and think more along the lines of checking out the local outdoor markets together or drink after work sometime.

5. Friendly Reminders
Some people may say that reminding someone about a date displays low value but I disagree. If you haven’t had contact with someone for a few days or so, isn’t it normal to check with them that everything is still cool? Isn’t that what high value people with busy schedules who their respect their own time and other peoples time do? You bet it is. So, if you haven’t been in contact with her for a few days, be socially intelligent and send a quick sms or make a quick call the day before the date to confirm that all is still well.


1. Have Backup Plans And Other Options
When flakes occur, the absolute worst thing you can do is over analyse it and have a personal pity party. It reinforces the wrong things. Instead, call some other girls and invite them out or hang out with some of your mates or do something by yourself you enjoy. This will instantly change your state and keep everything in proper perspective. Eventually your life should be so awesome that a flake has very little effect on your mood.

2. Respond Appropriately And Intelligently
Acting hurt, getting angry, making her feel really bad are all INEFFECTIVE ways of handling flakes. Don’t do them. Instead, respond in a way that is in line with your highest self and leaves the door open to reschedule for another time. For me, this has lead to developing three specific responses that I can use any of depending on how I feel at the time. Try any of the below three responses and create your own as needed as well.

(i) indifferent and perceptive: “I understand. No big deal.”

(ii) slightly annoyed and slightly disappointed: “Oh really? That’s a shame, I was looking forward to it. Oh well, maybe we’ll hang out some other time.”

(iii) positive and fun: “hey, that’s cool. You do what you have to do but you’re buying the first round of drinks when we do meet up now!”

3. Reconnect Smoothly And Indifferently
After a girl flakes, I like to leave it for a few days and then reconnect with her by phone or text (preferably phone) and just have fun and vibe with her. I assume attraction and practice total non-attachment. I’ll then usually end the call WITHOUT arranging a future date. This shifts the power back to me and keeps her guessing and I can then decide if and when I want to ask her out again. Play it by ear though and if it makes sense to reschedule the date on the first call then go for it. Just try to avoid appearing desperate and needy.

4. Treat It Like A Game
Instead of getting super frustrated and annoyed when flakes occur, look at it from a different perspective and treat it like a game. Have fun with it, be persistent (to a certain extent) and try different approaches until you get her out to meet you.. and then flake on her!!! Just joking about flaking on her but treating it like a game WILL keep it fun and stop you from going crazy.

5. Don’t Chase Them, Replace Them
I strongly advocate actively pursuing three women women at a time. It’s fun and healthy and it will increase your learning experiences exponentially. One girl flaking means very little when you already have multiple dates arranged with other women for the same day or week. If a girl does flake more than once, then forget about her and replace her with another attractive female immediately.

In Summary, the underlying keys to forever handling flakes (and handling almost any issue related to pickup and dating) is to BE HIGH VALUE and EMPLOYING EFFECTIVE TECHNIQUES. You must both have a good product (your best self) and know how to effectively market and sell that product (effective techniques). Without either of these things you will struggle. With them both you will flourish. It’s as simple as that. Act with high value and use the techniques above to make flaking something that is no longer a problem for you.

For further help to become your best self and to learn the best techniques for picking up bedding multiple women, contact us at SOA to discuss how we can help you become the man you want to be and to experience the type of success with women you desire.

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